I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
