shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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