I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
