Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she peed on how many people?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
