Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
