I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
