If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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