Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
