Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
