Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
