I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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