My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
