Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
