Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
