Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
