we're blogging at a bar
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
