Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
