im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
