She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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