I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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