marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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