piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
