1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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