Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
