i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
