you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
