When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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