i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
