eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
