You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
