Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
