Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
