New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
