3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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