We won't sleep together?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize