hotel room ftw
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
