I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
