Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
