He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
