cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
