I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
