We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
