Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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