I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
