I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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