Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
If I die, sorry about rent.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
