so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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