You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
