she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
