My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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