I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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