If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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