I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
