Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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