You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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