i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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