I love black thongs
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i wish my penis had a tongue
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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