I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
