Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize