I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize