It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize