Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
