You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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