This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
