I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
